How the Narcissist Stole Christmas
by zelda3469
Summary: Just our favorite couple on Christmas with a poetic twist!


**Just a cute idea I got. So, I didn't have this edited. I will later, so please excuse grammatical errors for now.**

Every employee

Huddled in SPR

Liked Christmas a lot...

But the narcissist,

Who hid in his office,

Did NOT!

The narcissist hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right - his twin's theory for sure.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight - no, that would have just been silly.

But one thinks that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small - his ego ten times too large.

But,

Whatever the reason,

His heart or his shoes,

He stood there on Christmas Eve, arms crossed over his chest,

Staring out from his lair - err office - with a flat, stoic frown

At the warm cozy workplace writing things down.

For he knew every employee was bustling about

Busy now, decorating and cheering, not about to pout.

"And they're they are, making a mess" he muttered with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his icy eyes nervously shifting,

"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas out!"

For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the employees physics and researchers

Would be here all night long. They'd force him to stay!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the idiocy! Noise! Idiocy! Noise!

That's two thing he hated! The NOISE! IDIOCY! NOISE! IDIOCY!

Then his employees, miko and monk alike would party.

And they'd party! And they'd party!

And they'd PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!

They would start with the gossip, and then tunes.

Which was something the narcissist couldn't stand one single bit!

And THEN

They'd do something he liked least of all!

Every employee gathered round from the priest to the medium,

Would sit close together, with Christmas presents in hand.

They'd sit by his lair, laughing and giggling as they passed gifts around.

They'd laugh! And they'd open such stupid gifts!

AND they'd LAUGH! LAUGH! LAUGH! LAUGH!

And the more the narcissist thought of the whole holiday

The more the narcissist thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

"Why for two years I've put up with those idiots now!

I MUST keep Christmas out!

...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

THE NARCISSIST

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The narcissist hummed deep in his throat.

And he conjured up a quick Santa Claus hat.

And he plotted, and plotted, "What a great idea!

"With this hat, I'll blend right in."

"All I need is an ally..."

The narcissist looked around.

But since his allies were scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the young narcissist...?

No! The narcissist simply said,

"If I can't find an ally, I'll call one instead!"

So he called his onmyoji, Lin . Then he took some red ribbon

And he tied a big bow on top of his head.

THEN

He sipped on his tea

And had a biscuit too,

Before the opportune time came

And he sent out poor Lin.

Then the narcissist said, "Keep them distracted"

And his - evil - plan began

While they pointed and gawked

Poking fun at their annoyed good friend.

They were oblivious. His presence had go unnoticed.

All his employees were having a merry time without care

When he came to the first decoration, hung by his door no less.

"This will be the first to go," The narcissist hissed

As he stared down a tacky glass ball.

Then he waved his hand. The decoration flew high.

His eyes grew wide, and his jaw dropped.

The narcissist was done for now, what a stupid mistake.

Then, with split second thinking, he threw out his arm

Halting the decoration's fall.

"That was too close," he groaned, the ornament floating in the air.

Quiet as a mouse he darted through SPR,

Around the whole room, and sent every Christmas item hovering over the floor!

Tiny trees! And fresh cookies! Mistletoe! Wreaths!

More ornaments! Presents! Garland! And fruit cake too!

And they flew by his side, only Lin caught his eye.

No one else noticed, not even sweet Mai!

Then he tiptoed to the kitchen. He searched the cabinets

And took all the snacks. Next came the hot chocolate followed by the tea.

He cleaned out that kitchen, leaving not a single crumb.

Why, that narcissist took it all!

Then he rushed into his lair, everything following behind.

"And NOW!" grinned the narcissist, "I will throw all this Christmas stuff out!"

And the narcissist went to shut the door

When he heard a small shout followed by a crash.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small girl!

Little Taniyama Mai, brown eyes so innocent and cute.

The narcissist had been caught by his assistant

Who'd found her way into his office alone.

She stared at the narcissist and said, "Naru-san, why,

"Why are you taking our Christmas things? WHY?"

But, you know, that young narcissist was so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little Mai," the great narcissist lied,

"These decorations, they simply won't do.

"So I'm going out, to buy some that are brand new.

"I won't be gone long. I promise to be back soon."

And his crafty fib fooled Mai. At least that's what he thought.

And he picked her up, she blushed and giggled.

Placing her down in his chair he smiled,

A false smile though, and Mai could tell!

She played along, waving him goodbye

As he slipped back out of his lair,

Shutting the door as he left.

Mai then frowned,

The Christmas she had planned was all but ruined.

Her decorations were a mess, littering the floor.

Her face in her hands, she mourned.

Then

The narcissist made his way out

Onto the streets.

Leaving them was easy,

Too easy in fact!

And Christmas was no more!

In SPR at the very least...

All his employees, still chuckling with Lin

All his employees, still unaware.

All but one,

Someone whispered in his ear.

The narcissist stopped dead in his tracks,

He knew that voice! He knew it all too well.

It was… Oh no, it was Eugene!

"Noll, my younger brother," he was quite smug.

"She knows, Mai know of your selfish deeds!

"But, there is still time, you see!

"You promised her you would be back, and so you will be.

"Return to her before she sobs the night away!"

"Mai!" cried the narcissist,

"That… That can not be!"

So he spun and broke out into a run.

He had to reach her before the early morning sun!

What he had done,

It simply wasn't right!

Not once did he think,

Not once of her.

It was all about him, and what he wanted.

How could he have been so stupid,

Such a dummy!

Gene was right,

He really was an idiot scientist!

Bursting in the door without a second thought the narcissist yelled, "Mai!"

All his employees gave him an odd look,

The red hat on his head seemingly out of place.

"Mai!" he called again, rushing to his lair.

Then, they all realized that something was wrong.

All the decorations, they were gone.

And so was Mai.

Halfway inside his evil lair,

The narcissist glanced back, everyone's eyes on him

"You did not…" came the monk, his arms crossed.

"Oh, but he did…" Lin huffed pinching his nose.

"Mai," he said again, ignoring them all.

"I'm sorry!"

Still in his chair, her face lit up.

He came back,

And not a moment too soon.

"Naru!" she cheered, jumping into his arms.

And at that minute his heart felt quite tight,

Then it felt suddenly light.

With her in her arm, he finally understood.

And then he...

...HE HIMSELF...!

The narcissist gave the first gift of the night: A girl her very first kiss.


End file.
